There are moments when our own resources are not enough — when what we are carrying becomes too heavy to carry alone, when something in us quietly needs to lean on another person, a relationship, a presence that can hold us.
In Existential Analysis, this capacity belongs to the first fundamental dimension of existence — being in the world. The question it asks is: Is there something here that can hold me? And can I allow it to?
That second part is where things become interesting.
Trust is a process, not a feeling
Think of something as ordinary as a first date. You arrive and quietly, almost automatically, begin to assess: is this person warm, consistent, someone who could be relied upon? Then something turns inward — can I do this? Am I ready to be present, to say something real? Then you decide to stay and engage. And at some point, you say something unguarded. In that moment your self-protection briefly suspends — you are in free fall, held only by the hope of being received well. There is fear in that moment, and hope, and something that can only be called aliveness. And then — more often than we expect — the other person responds with warmth. You land. The spring inside loosens a little.
What makes this example useful is that first dates make the usually invisible process of trusting visible. The same process happens in every close relationship, dozens of times — just too quickly to notice.
The five steps — a reflection
1. Assessment of Position — You look at the other and ask: is this stable enough, reliable enough to hold what I need to bring? What do you need to see before you can trust?
2. Self-Check — The movement turns inward: Can I do this? Am I ready? This requires both honest self-assessment and a quiet act of courage. Where do you usually stop — at self-assessment, or at courage?
3. Making a Decision — A quiet inner yes. It cannot be forced, but it can be practised. Can you recall a moment when you made this decision? What did it feel like?
4. Free Fall — The point of no return. Self-support is suspended; only the trust remains. Fear, hope, and a particular aliveness live here. This is not something going wrong — it is what genuine trust feels like from the inside. Do you pull back before you reach this step?
5. Arrival — The support holds. Something relaxes. You are not alone — and you carry that experience forward into the next time. Can you let arrival be real, or do you move past it too quickly?
What this practice is actually for
Not to become someone who trusts easily — discernment at Step 1 matters. But to notice where your no has become automatic rather than considered, where old experience has hardened into a general policy.
Trust is not a state. It is an ongoing conversation between who you are, what is actually being offered, and what you are willing to receive.